Happy In Bag

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Arach Attack














I suspect the science fiction movies of the last couple decades are correct when they depict alien life in hideous spider-like forms. The superior body structure of arachnids, along with their freakish talent for spinning webs, makes their presence elsewhere in the universe seem likely.

I admire spiders so much that I’m reluctant to exterminate them when I encounter them in my home. I’ll quickly smash a black widow if it brazenly scuttles across the floor in plain sight. And any creature that dares approach my bed is slaughtered without mercy.

Yet I’m reluctant to murder the spiders I find in remote corners of my home. I figure that a spider doing business in my attic or unfinished basement might be helping the cause by eating crickets and rolly polly bugs.

Maybe the evil aliens will take that into account when they finally attack Earth.

4 Comments:

  • At 9:27 AM, Blogger emawkc said…

    "I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted blog personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."

     
  • At 2:03 PM, Anonymous panos said…

    I voted for Kodos.

     
  • At 6:57 PM, Blogger Xavier Onassis said…

    I fucking hate spiders. And bees. And any other miniscule critter that stings or bites.

    I love it when people say "Oh, just leave it alone and it won't bother you!"

    BULL FUCKING SHIT!

    I seriously doubt that a wasp or a spider has the intellectual capacity to take in all of the relevant data, perform a detailed threat analysis, and reach a rational judgement on my threat potential.

    No. I'm there. It senses me. I'm a threat because I'm "something else". It's going to try and sting/bite me unless I kill it first.

    IF time travel were possible, and IF the Old Testament were true (which it's not!), I would make the VERY FIRST TRIP back to Noah as he was loading the ark, bitch-slap the old bastard and say "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!? Mosquitos? Bees? Scorpions? Anacondas? Earwigs? Republicans? Give us a break! Travel light!"

     
  • At 10:35 AM, Blogger Happy In Bag said…

    That's some mighty funny stuff, friends.

     

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