Just For Men

I am to Halloween what Scrooge is to Christmas. I don't care for candy, I startle when the doorbell rings and I haven't worn a costume since the '90s. Seeing so many adults acting like infants, however, put a notion in my noggin. I could use the holiday as a pretext to address my prematurely, um, "distinguished" hair. If I dressed as Dracula or Elvis I'd have to color my hair accordingly. No one would think anything about it and I'd look ten years younger. The idea is so good it's scary.