Happy In Bag

Friday, September 22, 2006

Sole Sapping

I once had beautiful feet.

The rest of my body may never have resembled David, but Michelangelo would have been inspired by my lowest extremities. The arches were handsome, the toes perfectly formed, and the proportions ideal.

Today I make podiatrists weep. Decades of abuse have ravaged the old dogs. I’ve snapped metatarsal bones. Nails, rocks and other sharp objects have scarred my soles. The arches are sagging.

The remaining toes have been decimated. They’re splayed and the nails grow at odd angles. My left little piggie has been broken and crushed so many times that it’s now just an immobile bit of discolored flesh wrapped around ground meat and gristle.

Darn right it hurts.


  • At 9:44 AM, Blogger FletcherDodge said…

    Well you know what they say...

    "Time wounds all heels."

    Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Please don't forget to tip your waitress.

  • At 1:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    How did you manage all this damage?

  • At 1:25 PM, Blogger Happy In Bag said…

    Panos- I'm a total spazz, I'm clumsy, and I like being barefoot.

    Emaw- I knew I could have done better than "soul sapping."

  • At 7:09 PM, Blogger Xavier Onassis said…

    Dang dude!

    You can be happily barefoot sitting safely on your ass like me.

    Guess somebody should have shared that little pearl of wisdom with you 30 years ago, huh?

    The best use of a foot is to serve as a sight for aiming your remote from the recliner. Pretty sure that's what God made them for.


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