"Product of USA/Mexico"

Posted without comment.

Short Back and Sides

When I told my barber to cut my hair extra short last week she accused me of being a cheapskate. "You just want to avoid coming back for another nine months," she snarled. She was right. Since then I've been reminded of the benefits of not looking like a street person. Women talk to me of their own volition. Clerks in stores are suddenly helpful. Toddlers reciprocate my smiles. Someday those kids will learn the value of being shallow.

Nutella Case

A couple holdovers from my recent trip to Italy are still very much a part of my life. There's the credit card bill, of course, and then there's Nutella. I hadn't realized that the spread had Italian origins. Peanut butter and jelly are afterthoughts in Italy, but Nutella is a breakfast staple. I acquired a taste for the stuff. Now I grill Nutella-and-banana sandwiches and roast Nutella-flavored coffee. Delizioso!

Off Base

Look at that kid. He's sitting in the MLB2K10 Game Lounge at "The New K". It would be easily to get snarky about this development. Like most rational observers, I expect the Royals to have their seventh consecutive losing season in 2010. But here's the thing- the newly renovated stadium is nice. Really nice. The food options are vastly improved, the video screen is fantastic and the new museum gives fans something to do during rain delays. And maybe, just maybe, this kid will get to watch a winning Royals team someday.

Memory Pain

We were promised jet packs. I'd settle for medical memory cards. After a doctor insisted I immediately get poked, probed and scanned two weeks ago (incidentally, I have yet to learn of the results of that supposedly urgent testing), I filled out five identical sets of forms at five different offices. Ridiculous! Why, in 2010, isn't this data digitized? Don't tell me it's about security. I sat in one waiting room as clerks asked patients to call out their social security numbers.

The Caspian Question

I've been curious about Caspian Bistro for years. Now that I've finally dined at the restaurant in the old Gateway Plaza strip mall, I'm even more mystified. Is the food good? I couldn't say. The "tadig platter" I ordered mystified me. I assume it's an Iranian dish, but I'm not even sure about that. I sense, however, that the establishment is a mystery worth solving.

Put Your Elbows On the Table

Why, oh why, did I consent to my first physical in seven years? The experience was degrading, humiliating, painful and scary. Panicked doctors and nurses are insisting on a battery of tests that will take weeks to complete and will set off sirens at my (self-financed) health insurer. None of us are going to make it out of here alive anyway.